True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
