I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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