He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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