Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
