Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
