i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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