go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
