I need to stop coming to work sober
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dignity is for republicans.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize