Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
