"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
