Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
