if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
