whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just google imaged poop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
