So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize