Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
