It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
