Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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