Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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