you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
