sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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