can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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