I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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