1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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