It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
