Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
