He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
