But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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