Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
