I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
