How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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