the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
