apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
