I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
