he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same