Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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(216): View more from Ohio

i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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(214): View more from Texas

You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(905): View more from Ontario

I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"

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(702): View more from Nevada

You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

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(480): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.

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