I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
