If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
