Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
