I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
