Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
