Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
