I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
