Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
