peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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