My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
