How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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