Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize