I will die if light touches me.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
