Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
