K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
