shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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