I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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