She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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