Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
