o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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