UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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