I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
