He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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