So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
