i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
