At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
