we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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