Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's blow job season.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
