So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
