first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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