I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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