There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
