Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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