ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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