Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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