I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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