Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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