Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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